You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
