the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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