Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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