I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
