You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
