I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
