remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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