I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
