i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
