I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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