no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
