you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
