I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
BRING THE BAGELS
you made out with another girl for some wings
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
