Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
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I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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