What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
