Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
