how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
