Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
