Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
