Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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