My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
