I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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