I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
