Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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