Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
