I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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