I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
