Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
where does the pee come out of this thing
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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