I'm gonna have a badass scar
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
