if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
