Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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