I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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