is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
