It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
