Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
