Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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