My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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