you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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