She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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