Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have aggressive nipples.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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