I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
