does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
