I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize