somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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