You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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