yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
