Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
