Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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