Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
