It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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