I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
