just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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