So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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