me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
