im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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