Someone shit on the floor
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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