one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
