i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
