It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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