I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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