As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
