Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
